The last time I applied for a job I didn’t get was about 15 years ago. The last time I interviewed for a job I didn’t get was about 17 years ago. I remember rather audaciously saying on twitter at some stage that should I return to the workforce I would have no problem finding a job. Turns out I might have to eat my words on that one. Or drink more wine to mollify my misguidedness.
It’s a little harder than I thought it would be. It’s exacerbated by applying for jobs remotely I’m sure. I’m not in the area yet, so it’s easier to pick someone who’s already established. Or maybe I just tell myself that to make it sting a little less.
Every day I get to read through emails telling me I didn’t make the shortlist for things that I believe I am more than qualified in. Last week I had an interview. I wasn’t sure how it went because I haven’t interviewed in six years. But today I got an email saying that while it was a tough choice, they went another way. I appreciated them taking the time to say that. Because while rejection is hard, it’s good to know that I was at least in the ball park.
But it gets to you after awhile – the cycle of the whole thing. I am less sure of myself than I was a week ago or a month ago. Riley’s school next year has orientation sessions in a couple of weeks and we won’t be able to go because I haven’t gotten a job yet. I think that part is the hardest for me to swallow.
Looking for work is infinitely more difficult than actually working. In the process of looking for work, I can see that part of myself where I have complete belief in myself to do anything is being eroded. Piece by piece.
In the past I suppose, things have had a tendency to fall in my lap. Because of luck or circumstance or the fact that I believed I was the best person for the job and so others believed it also.
And now it seems I may have to force the universe’s hand. And I’m ok with that.