Awhile ago I merged The Shake facebook page with my personal page. Which anyone who is worth their weight in brains would tell you is a bad idea. It’s a bad idea for two reasons. The first is that the content isn’t exactly the same across both things. One is more personal than the other. The second reason is that people can’t find it if they were looking. If they had the name only, they aren’t going to know to search for my name.
It’s a bad idea.
Except when it’s not. It got to the point when I couldn’t even look at it. Where I was afraid about what comments I would read on there, what nasty messages would be in the inbox. Because that’s the thing when you have something like that – it looks like it’s bigger than one person.
But it’s not. It’s just one person. Reading every narky comment. Reading every abusive private message. Reading every post that I had been thoughtfully tagged in. Just one person.
Once upon a time I might have had the emotional reserves to cope with that. But I don’t anymore. Whatever emotional reserves I have are gone. I seem to have lost that layer of armour that protects me from feeling raw. So I feel raw most of the time. Which most of the time I don’t mind. I remember what it was like to feel numb, so feeling raw is a privilege really.
And so, since I’ve made the change (after the inevitable follower bleed) I haven’t had any comments or posts like that. Because it is obvious that I am just one person. And it’s harder to be an asshole to one person without actually looking like an asshole. So most people just choose not to.
Being just one person on the internet can be a bit tough sometimes. And to be honest, I would say that the people I connect with online has shrunk considerably over the last year. But the people I am connected with I trust. Fair trade.